Wow.

Ok, so I have been doing extremely well with my healthiness. I started reading about the heart and that REALLY helped me be more aware of what I was eating. Im still fat but Im happy to report a 10 pound weight loss. I think it could be more but I am not exercising at all. LOL I just love that now I am eating to live and not living to eat. I still have a ways to go but...Im thankful Im doing as well as I am. I snack on yogurt and make sure to eat breakfast and a light dinner. I just need to add exercise.

I have been eating healthy for the past two days but no exercise. Ive been practicing this mantra: A moment on the lips is a month on the hips. I am still in the sick phase, with some congestion and runny nose, but my throat is almost ALL better!! :) Yay! am going to start taking some more pictures of my weight loss attempts so you guys can feel like youre here, sweating it out with me. I have a digital camera but the battery is ALWAYS dying so I have to wait til Thursday to go and get one. Man, do I miss the days of Best Buy being 10 minutes away.

So...I have this confession to make: I have a crush. Yes, thats right, I am NOT single but yet I have a crush. And its so weird because this crush has given me all this inspiration all of a sudden that I didnt know I was capable of having. He has the biggest baby doll face. So cute!! Seldom does anything inspire a change in lifestyle than a new love interest. Im not saying its anything I would EVER pursue, skinny or not, but still, its nice to have some sort of your being jolted awake all of a sudden. A nice change of pace, and its like taking a fresh breath for the first time ever.

Work again today. Boo. Hopefully itll be like last night though, where it went super fast.

Freshening up.

So, it was confirmed yesterday that I do indeed have strep throat. I know this is horrible to say, but THANK GOD! I was in SO Much pain and to know that the pain had a name and a cure was just awesome to me. My doctor immediately called in some antibiotics to the pharmacy and I ran right over to pick it up, but they had called it into the wrong pharmacy which I was told, "happens all the time" and so I traveled to the next pharmacy and picked it up. I wont say it gave me immediate relief but man...Im doing better. I heard it best described as "swallowing broken glass." and I couldnt agree more. I cant decide if I am going to work tomorrow but my boss has yet to call me back. Ok I just called her again and she thinks I should be ok. I dont feel ok but oh well. I need the money.

So for the past two weeks, I have signed myself up with a counselor because I realized I need help. I wasnt going to but you know what, I have the insurance and I felt like I should do it "for all the people out there" who dont have insurance and cant afford to see a counselor. My mind feels mentally better day by day since seeing her, she is amazing and I cannot believe I got so lucky with clicking with someone on the first visit so that I felt comfortable enough to make another appointment. I had my last appointment yesterday and I just love her. She talks to me like I am a person, not a patient. I so appreciate her. I told her that as of right now, I do not want medication but I am afraid it may lean that way to do eventually because my mind doesnt rest even when Im exhausted lol but I want to just get my life together. I need a plan and she is going to help me with that. I feel more confident now that I am going to "get there" as soon as I figure out exactly where "there" is.

Ok so I have comcast cable and on demand and I watch the kids version of the Biggest Loser which still has Kim and the hot trainer guy, and those kids get out there and jog and Im like, if they can do it, why cant I? They just jog and live through the pain. No one wants to jog with me and I was going to let that just determine my whole jogging urge, but I need to be more independent. I have to stop worrying about what other people think. I mean, sometimes when I post and get no replies I get so discouraged from posting again and I realized today, that has to stop. I am not posting for anyone but myself. My only excuse for the not jogging is because I live in a somewhat, ok, very bad neighborhood. LOL I dont want to get shot or raped while I am jogging!!

Anyways, I have allot of head pain. So I am going to rest.

Sweeping up.

Im not where I want to be weight wise, but Im so excited for my golden birthday next month. 26! Wow! Im just so determined to not be negative on myself for being plus sized. Who cares, already!? Its partay time!

My boyfriend has lost 18 pounds in ONE month. This amazes me. He gets his butt up at 9 am every morning to do an hour workout on the elliptical, completely gave up fast food and sugars and snacks on healthy stuff. He was never really overweight but he didnt like how he looked so he took it upon himself and he looks good. THAT is motivation.

Ive been sick for the last week, with what feels like laryngitis and an ear infection but the doctor only gave me samples of allergy pills and told me to buy some nasal spray for the ear pain. Yep. Call it paranoia, but I bet if I had been some knockout girl in that office, I would have gotten top notch treatment and maybe taken a bit more seriously. I didnt dress up all that nice but I was feeling really crappy and didnt feel like doing my hair all nice and dressing all nice. I just wanted some meds and to go home and go to bed. Then the bitch at the pharmacy was rude to me as well. She told me not to take the saline stuff and I asked if there was anything she WOULD recommend and she just shrugged and said, "I dont know." I regret not telling her to go fuck herself. Fat people are people too, dammit.

Anyways, I went ahead and bought the saline stuff and I feel slightly better. Im off tomorrow and Saturday so thatll be a nice change of things. Thats the sucky part about working in the E.R., you tend to catch everyones germs. I can only sanitize things so many times through out the day, at one point, I am going to forget. But this one girl was filling out her paperwork and I saw her stick the pen EVERYONE uses(except me, I bring my own pens.) in her mouth. I was thinking, "Man, you just got sick with who knows what." And I can just see her being sick right now as I type this and wondering WHERE she got it from. I wonder if itll ever dawn on her that she stuck a pen infected with millions of germs in her mouth. I try to sanitize the pens for the patients but like I said, I can only do it so many times.

Ok all. Peace out.

Its weird, I come on here, start a blog, and then I get discouraged and erase it.

LOTS of shit going on, not really diet wise, although I do have some pet peeves there, so I'll get start with that stuff, since this is a weight loss blog(well, its supposed to be anyways!)

Ok I dont like get how if you were to go into a store and it was divided by race, this would be illegal, yes yes? Or if it wasnt illegal there would be SOMEONE trying to change this but yet, EVERY department store made in America sections of the fat people from the rest of the world. At Kohls, they dont even have a sign that says PLUS SIZED. Its just a picture of someone heavy set and its just so offensive the way all the other clothing is organized all nicely and the plus sized clothing is just thrown onto a rack as if to say,"Youre fat, so we owe you shit!" I just get so flustered and irratated. Why is it ok to be a druggie or an alchoholic or even a friggin child molester but God forbid you not be a size 2 and the the world kind of either shuns you or forgets about you entirely?

OK. Im done.

Hello lover.

I got Xflowsion today. Im eager to try it out but I worked the E.R. today and so my legs are w.e.a.k. Its going to kick my little dupa though, should be interesting :)

I worked the E.R. on I think...Monday night? And it sucked, a guy got shot in between the eyes, the chest, and his groin area. I felt soooo horrible for him, he was making sounds ones ears and soul doesnt forget. That was my first gun shot wound sighting and I must say, I hope I never see another one. The police think its gang related but my heart still went out to everyone he knew and loved and who knew and loved him. They kept him at our E.R. for awhile but eventually transferred him out to another hospital and he was given less than a .1% chance to live. I cannot forget the sound he was making though, like a loud moaning/wheezing sound. I never saw the E.R. as dark and packed as it was that night. Every doctor in the hospital was at his bedside, helping him to fight for his life, it was so bittersweetly beautiful. And he is MY age, MY age!! I just kept thinking, wow, even if he does live, he is fucked up forever. It would probably be better if he died. Isnt that awful? I know if it were ME, I'd want to die. The sad part is that there is going to be one retaliation after another now. It sucks. But still, he made someone the happiest person on earth the day he was born.

Ok. All of you go and get you that book, YOU: On a diet! Its great! I am eating breakfast every day, because it explains how your body works and why breakfast really IS so important. (Break the fast, your body has been fasting for 8 hours while you slept, now get up and feed it, so your metabolism can get moving!)

Ranting and raving.

Wow. I just worked off 300+ calories on my elliptical. I feel awesome. I love how mentally good I feel when I exercise. Plus, I had an egg for breakfast. Eggs and toast and apple juice to be exact but thats better than eggos with syrup and butter you know?

I just have a comment or two. You know before you begin a diet or any work out program they always tell you to consult a physician first? I think thats bullshiz because I dont know about you, but most physicians today are a-holes towards the people on the higher end of the scale. Its almost a waste of time to see a doctor at all because chances are you will get treated nasty by them and their staff and go home feeling like you DO need those chips and french onion dip after all. It makes me sick. The last doctor I went to had a smile on his mouth but sarcasm in his eyes. I didnt appreciate it at all. And he wanted to do a physical on me, but there is no way I would ever let a male doctor do a physical on me. The nicest and most intelligent doctor I've ever had was Dr Derosa in Canfield, Ohio. He was awesome. You have to get to know him a little but he doesnt come across as mocking or anything, he wants to help.

Also, people, get your thyroids checked. Always.