So, it was confirmed yesterday that I do indeed have strep throat. I know this is horrible to say, but THANK GOD! I was in SO Much pain and to know that the pain had a name and a cure was just awesome to me. My doctor immediately called in some antibiotics to the pharmacy and I ran right over to pick it up, but they had called it into the wrong pharmacy which I was told, "happens all the time" and so I traveled to the next pharmacy and picked it up. I wont say it gave me immediate relief but man...Im doing better. I heard it best described as "swallowing broken glass." and I couldnt agree more. I cant decide if I am going to work tomorrow but my boss has yet to call me back. Ok I just called her again and she thinks I should be ok. I dont feel ok but oh well. I need the money.
So for the past two weeks, I have signed myself up with a counselor because I realized I need help. I wasnt going to but you know what, I have the insurance and I felt like I should do it "for all the people out there" who dont have insurance and cant afford to see a counselor. My mind feels mentally better day by day since seeing her, she is amazing and I cannot believe I got so lucky with clicking with someone on the first visit so that I felt comfortable enough to make another appointment. I had my last appointment yesterday and I just love her. She talks to me like I am a person, not a patient. I so appreciate her. I told her that as of right now, I do not want medication but I am afraid it may lean that way to do eventually because my mind doesnt rest even when Im exhausted lol but I want to just get my life together. I need a plan and she is going to help me with that. I feel more confident now that I am going to "get there" as soon as I figure out exactly where "there" is.
Ok so I have comcast cable and on demand and I watch the kids version of the Biggest Loser which still has Kim and the hot trainer guy, and those kids get out there and jog and Im like, if they can do it, why cant I? They just jog and live through the pain. No one wants to jog with me and I was going to let that just determine my whole jogging urge, but I need to be more independent. I have to stop worrying about what other people think. I mean, sometimes when I post and get no replies I get so discouraged from posting again and I realized today, that has to stop. I am not posting for anyone but myself. My only excuse for the not jogging is because I live in a somewhat, ok, very bad neighborhood. LOL I dont want to get shot or raped while I am jogging!!
Anyways, I have allot of head pain. So I am going to rest.
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3 comments:
Hi there, I read your posts daily but I've never left a comment.
I know what you mean about putting too much focus on what other people think. When the main objective should be that your doing this, for you. But once you get it, you've made a step in the right direction in terms of taking care of yourself.
That said, please know that even if no one posts it doesn't mean that they aren't right there with you every step of the way.
Hell, your booked marked in my favorite places and I check on your blog every day since I discovered your story.
Even without a comment, girl your story is an inspiration. I just wanted you to know that. When you keep it real people can relate and they'll keep coming back.
Oh yeah, as for as wanting to run, you should, run for you! Forest Grump did, he just ran, and ran, and ran and as he ran, he healed himself. smile.
Notadumbbell
I'm sorry I haven't been commenting, I really don't know what to say that doesn't sound horribly insincere. I could say things like "love yourself!" or "plus sized clothes can be attractive too!" But I feel like that's just not enough.
I entirely believe in you. I know you'll do it. I admire your new job, and your bravery in seeing a therapist. I don't think there is a conspiracy against overweight people, I just think you live in superficial California, where it's tougher not to fit an ideal.
So when are you visiting home again?
ooo..oooo...let me comment here....it's been a while since i've checked on you, but i do read you and have flet that little lonely feelign when i post and no one seems to "notice".
trust me, you are being read. i like you. :) i'm inspired that you awre brave enough to see a therapist (i'm still "shy" though i want to go to one eventually)and hope that you get up and try the jogging thing out. and i can relate in not wanting to try something bc no one wants to doit with you...its wierd at first but you get used to it.....it helps to have music.
but find a treadmill somewhere....we dont need you getting knocked in the head and dragged into any bushes!
blessings.....
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