LOL I posted this picture because I love how happy I am. I was about 5 years old I think. Chubby but happy because I was at the beach with my parents. Im sorry but I think Im the cutest little girl. Look at my afro! LMAO I have curly hair to this day but its longer now, and I try to straighten it when I can. Ok moving on.
I havent been doing all that well. I keep listening to Carrie Underwoods new song, "Wasted." (Im the biggest Carrie Underwood fan, lol) That song speaks to me somehow. Anyways, these past few days have been hard and I feel like I am just getting beat down. I gained those 3 pounds back, dammit, and it depressed me. We have a houseguest now, and lets just say that I am less than thrilled about that. Stressed out? Heck yes. I talk to God every day and ask him to talk to me, but either he is and I cant hear him or he's waiting to answer me. Im not sure and Im not even angry about it. He knows how I feel and what I feel. I am still so homesick. Ive been in California for about 10 months now and I have no friends and just my boyfriends company. Its lonely. And because of that, I keep turning to food. I accepted a job where the people seem soooo nice, and I would love to work there, I guess, but at the same time, I would love to go home even more. The place where Im going to work is an hour away and the pay is decent, nothing really to write home about. I kind of feel like the money isnt worth it, because its only going to pay for my gas to get to and from them. On the other hand though, its for a great company and who knows what opportunities may arise from that? A part of me questions whether I really want to stick around to find out. I mean, no matter what, I'll still miss my parents, my family and my friends. No matter what opportunity comes from this job, I strongly doubt this yearning for home will go away.
It just sucks that I have gotten so fat. I cant go home. I know many of you think that Im being silly or whatever, but its true. Thank God I finally confessed of my weight gain to my cousin who will be here soon. That made me feel a tad better. I wish I could tell my mother, but she will be so gossipy about it. I know I shouldnt care, but thats how it was when I was growing up. My weight defined the person everyone thought I was, so now in my adult life, it feels like thats how it is EVERY DAY. Frustrating. And why do I miss people like this? Well...its like my friends wouldnt care, and really my dad probably wouldnt either but my mom...my mom. I think what I fear more than anything is that when we get into an argument day she will use the dreaded "F" word(FAT!) towards me and itll hurt me again. She hasnt done that in a long time, because I was losing so successfully. And my Aunt M...OMG, she would die if she saw me, she would shake her head in disappointment. She spent sooo much time with me, helping me. It sucks. I wish I never would have moved here.
Ok, on a diet note, I am going walking at 230ish with Patricks mom. That should be fun, I could sure use the company. I'll try to update more. Hopefully get out of this funk soon!
It just sucks that I have gotten so fat. I cant go home. I know many of you think that Im being silly or whatever, but its true. Thank God I finally confessed of my weight gain to my cousin who will be here soon. That made me feel a tad better. I wish I could tell my mother, but she will be so gossipy about it. I know I shouldnt care, but thats how it was when I was growing up. My weight defined the person everyone thought I was, so now in my adult life, it feels like thats how it is EVERY DAY. Frustrating. And why do I miss people like this? Well...its like my friends wouldnt care, and really my dad probably wouldnt either but my mom...my mom. I think what I fear more than anything is that when we get into an argument day she will use the dreaded "F" word(FAT!) towards me and itll hurt me again. She hasnt done that in a long time, because I was losing so successfully. And my Aunt M...OMG, she would die if she saw me, she would shake her head in disappointment. She spent sooo much time with me, helping me. It sucks. I wish I never would have moved here.
Ok, on a diet note, I am going walking at 230ish with Patricks mom. That should be fun, I could sure use the company. I'll try to update more. Hopefully get out of this funk soon!
