Wow, what a nice two days it has been. Just as I suspected, I feel better having a friend in town. She immediatlely jumped into our jacuzzi and is in her glory lol. Thats right, my complex has a jacuzzi and today was the first time I stepped foot into it. I was so embarrassed too. Its funny, she encouraged me to buy a bathing suit. Its the first time I bought one in I dont even know how long.(Wow, today is allot of firsts huh?!) She told me that if I would just get out in the mornings, lay out and then swim I would be fine but I just needed to get out instead of laying myself up in the house because Im too ashamed of the way I look to step out. Its true. I need to get out more. Anyways, as for the bathing suit, I actually look decent in it. We plan on doing water aerobics tomorrow, and actually, for the rest of her trip.

I was thinking these past few days that I think negatively too much, and I constantly worry. My mind is full of unhappiness. So I decided to look into some yoga or pilates, one or the other because Ive heard it can work wonders on the mind. Well, today I was at a second hand store and I found a book on pilates and the stability ball. Since I have a ball, I purchased the book and Im listening to relaxing music while reading it. I decided if I really want to change, and I want this change to last, then I should start with my mind. I should be my own support system, my own backbone, the one that I turn to when I disappoint myself. I need to be able to walk myself through the bad times instead of always throwing in the towel. Listening to instrumental music is inspiring because I visualize myself swimming with dolphins or whales. OMG, it sooo relaxes me. Also, we shopped til we dropped today, and my feet are sore. Whether its from my shoes or the fact that my weight is seriously starting to affect how I literally carry myself, I dont know. But all I can tell my body is not to worry, Help is on the way!!

I...am....so....tired.