Todays inspiration: Sarah , Kelly Ripa and my old blogs!
I often go to my friend Sarahs blog. Its funny, I wanted to be the writer, but she actually IS a writer so naturally I love reading what she has to say. We have been friends for about 5 years now(has it been that long!?) since I moved upstairs from her and my mom made her introduce herself to me so that I would know my neighbors. She was sooooo nice to me(still is!) Anyways, she wrote how she loves getting up and going for Saturday morning bike rides. She doesnt say if she goes with anyone, so I can only imagine that she goes it alone. Just...by...herself. I love this. I wish I could be that type of person. It seems like I constantly need someone there to push me further or else I collapse because no one is there to push me. I need to be told what to do...its disappointing to realize that I dont have a mind of my own. So, through reading Sarahs blog, I decided I need to be more independent. Start doing things for me. I need to start holding myself accountable because this is why I always fail. The second someone stops checking in on me, I am checking out of myself. And then the guilt follows and then the next thing you know, Im in a depression again. Its taken me 25 years to fully understand this about myself. I refuse to waste anymore time "figuring myself out." I know what I want. The most important goal of mine is to lose this weight, once and for all. Hopefully along the way, I can move forward with other goals as well. But this is my number one goal for now, maybe the most vain, but its mine, and if it means I am a vain person than so be it.
I chose Kelly Ripa as the other inspiration for today because I received my new Shape magazine and she is the cover girl for this month. I loved her article! She gave me ideas on how to eat more better and actually gave recipes that I was interested in. She just seems sooooo down to Earth. Its cool too because they give you these recipes to try. I love BLT's but I NEVER eat them because the bacon part freaks me out. But hark, Kelly states she uses turkey bacon. I had never even thought of that!! LOL Its the little things that will add up, and I am starting to feel allot better.
And finally, I chose my older blogs because I was so inspired and alive when I was writing them. It made me realize to always go back to the basics when Im doubting myself.
I fell off the wagon. But I am getting back on, and this time, I am fastening the seatbelt.(Does a wagon have a seat belt?) My cousin will be here tomorrow, and Im scared of her reaction of me but she will get over it and then help me out. Itll be nice therapy.
Meanwhile, I talked to another cousin of mine yesterday who is a size 2 lol and told her about my weight gain. Its amazing, the more people I tell, the more in control I feel. People are supportive. She told me "WHO CARES?!" LOL She says I hide out too much, and that I should get out more. Today I had such a bad morning and she offered to come and get me(she lives 5 hours away) and to take me wherever I want to go and I wouldnt have to pay for anything. While I appreciated the gesture, I declined because, well, Im getting company tomorrow.
So Im going to start living more. Im FAT, not dead!
I often go to my friend Sarahs blog. Its funny, I wanted to be the writer, but she actually IS a writer so naturally I love reading what she has to say. We have been friends for about 5 years now(has it been that long!?) since I moved upstairs from her and my mom made her introduce herself to me so that I would know my neighbors. She was sooooo nice to me(still is!) Anyways, she wrote how she loves getting up and going for Saturday morning bike rides. She doesnt say if she goes with anyone, so I can only imagine that she goes it alone. Just...by...herself. I love this. I wish I could be that type of person. It seems like I constantly need someone there to push me further or else I collapse because no one is there to push me. I need to be told what to do...its disappointing to realize that I dont have a mind of my own. So, through reading Sarahs blog, I decided I need to be more independent. Start doing things for me. I need to start holding myself accountable because this is why I always fail. The second someone stops checking in on me, I am checking out of myself. And then the guilt follows and then the next thing you know, Im in a depression again. Its taken me 25 years to fully understand this about myself. I refuse to waste anymore time "figuring myself out." I know what I want. The most important goal of mine is to lose this weight, once and for all. Hopefully along the way, I can move forward with other goals as well. But this is my number one goal for now, maybe the most vain, but its mine, and if it means I am a vain person than so be it.
I chose Kelly Ripa as the other inspiration for today because I received my new Shape magazine and she is the cover girl for this month. I loved her article! She gave me ideas on how to eat more better and actually gave recipes that I was interested in. She just seems sooooo down to Earth. Its cool too because they give you these recipes to try. I love BLT's but I NEVER eat them because the bacon part freaks me out. But hark, Kelly states she uses turkey bacon. I had never even thought of that!! LOL Its the little things that will add up, and I am starting to feel allot better.
And finally, I chose my older blogs because I was so inspired and alive when I was writing them. It made me realize to always go back to the basics when Im doubting myself.
I fell off the wagon. But I am getting back on, and this time, I am fastening the seatbelt.(Does a wagon have a seat belt?) My cousin will be here tomorrow, and Im scared of her reaction of me but she will get over it and then help me out. Itll be nice therapy.
Meanwhile, I talked to another cousin of mine yesterday who is a size 2 lol and told her about my weight gain. Its amazing, the more people I tell, the more in control I feel. People are supportive. She told me "WHO CARES?!" LOL She says I hide out too much, and that I should get out more. Today I had such a bad morning and she offered to come and get me(she lives 5 hours away) and to take me wherever I want to go and I wouldnt have to pay for anything. While I appreciated the gesture, I declined because, well, Im getting company tomorrow.
So Im going to start living more. Im FAT, not dead!
