Warning: Curse words in this entry!

Hey thanks to EVERYONE for your comments, I was having the worst day in a long time today and I almost didnt even stop in but I am glad that I did. And you all make such great points and give me new ways to look at things. So thank you very much.

My heart feels broken and I dont really understand why. I can only blame it being that time of the month, and its hormonal. But I found out today that a job I applied for so long ago is royally screwed and it has made me numb but yet is making me feel pukey as well. I passed the written part of the test with flying colors, then I went back and took the polygraph test and passed that and then I had to pass the damn background investigation. Well, in a background investigation they check your credit history and I was honest about my credit from day one. I am not proud of it and I am working hard to restore it and was working with a background investigator that I thought would help me the best that she could. I was writing to the creditors and making disputes and I would forward it to her to show her that I was making effort to correct this situation. And forgive me, but I dont understand why shit that I did years and years ago reflects on what kind of a WORKER I am, but anyways, she went on maternity leave and my case(along with many, many others.) were forwarded on to another investigator who today informed me that she doesnt have all that much information on my case but based on the information that HE had, he isnt going to move forward and wants me to pull myself out and start from scratch next year. I am sooo pissed. I have been WAITING for this and thought I was doing well and that I actually HAD A CHANCE and I dont and it just pisses me off that 3 months spent waiting, my paperwork was just sitting there, doing nothing, just taking up space. I was seriously considering legal action but I dont even think I have a case. I dont do drugs, Ive never killed anyone, Ive had ONE ticket my entire life and it was for not wearing a fucking seatbelt. Why does stuff I did so long ago even matter? I needed this job in the worst way.

Ok. Im going to do the elliptical for awhile. I need some endorphins. :)
Update: Exercise definitely helped. I think Ill start exercising solely for my minds sake. Everything else will just be an added bonus. :)