Well, I did it, I returned the clothes! I feel allot better. I told my friend, J, what I was doing and she agreed with me returning them was the right thing to do. She thinks Im beautiful no matter what,(and I actually believe her when she says this!) but she says she understands how I feel because she feels bad about herself when she gains weight.
My goal right now is to lose 20 pounds. Altogether, the goal is 100. But Im gonna do it in 20 pound increments.
I have to work tomorrow. Blah. For some reason, no one in the E.R. (the nurses) seem to like me that well. I dont think Ive done anything wrong but they just dont take to me. I guess I cant do anything about it but I wish I wouldnt want their approval so much, you know? Just go to work, do my job and come home. But I really want to make allot of friends. Oh well. The people I want to be friends with like me, so that should be enough. I hate that Im the type of person who needs everyone to like me, especially when theyre assholes to me. I would just like to have the guts to tell people to go stick it where the sun dont shine. Yep.
On a brighter note, I think Im going home for Christmas. Im excited about this because I miss everyone! Im going to request the time off this week so I can plan ahead.
5 comments:
Good on you for taking back the clothes, that must have felt good! Sad your co-workers don't talk to you... I would really hate that too. I hope things get better on that front eventually.
YES!!!! Definitely come home for Christmas!!!! You'll love having just a taste of Ohio Christmas weather. Maybe we'll even have a white christmas. Let me know when you know! I cannot wait to hang out with you again!
AHHH...I sometimes wish more people liked me...but i believe subconciously seperate myself.....i may come across as stuck up or something but really i'm just shy..thats all...talking to new people sometimes scares me a bit...i've struggled with that as long as i could rememer....i just try to remind myself that i have all the friends that i need.
at work, i usually only have a friend or 2....which sucks when they both are out sick or on vacation....but its been working so far....i have enough friends outside of work to keep me happy.
i've been feeling better too...i believe its primarily psychological...i worked out last nite and i declare this morning i felt a tad bit smaller. *wink*
i refuse to buy any more clothes in my current size too...i feel the same way...as if by doing so i am settling for this size (20). so i am gonna rerun over and over until i can get into an 18...then maybe you can ship me your stuff bc by then it should be too small!
Be Blessed!
A comment about taking the size 18 clothes back-I know for you it was probably something you needed to do, but be careful with not loving yourself for who you are today. Even though you are a size 18 (I am, too!), you still deserve clothes that fit you, and are cute & flattering. Maybe it's a budget issue & you need to stick to your budget, which is a different story. But imagine yourself as a little child. If your little girl needed to lose weight, the way to get her to do it wouldn't be to be mean and take away cute clothes from her until she was skinny. "Size 10 or die" sounds a little bit like a mean threat. You're beautiful & good & worth dressing cute. And you can still have weight loss goals & always be striving for better things. :) Goals are good, threats & forcing are not good. I hope I don't sound too "preachy," but I just want you to love & appreciate yourself. (As you said with the co-workers, sometimes others won't do it for us, so we have to love & appreciate ourselves.)
One more clarification- you shouldn't wear or buy any size 18 clothes that make you feel bad about yourself. There are cute ones out there that can flatter your size & figure. You don't have to wait until you're a size 10. Just like deprivation doesn't work with diets, it doesn't work with clothes, either. There is a great website on this called http://www.missussmartypants.com. Not to plug that specific website, I'm sure there are others out there, too, but I just know that it does so much for my confidence to wear stylish clothes & take care of my appearance. There's no way I'm "waiting until I'm skinny." Ok- I'll stop the long comments, now! :)
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